I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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