They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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