She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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