When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
