she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
