My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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