butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
