I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
