I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
