Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
