He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
