did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
