Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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