so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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