Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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