First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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