what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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