Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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