just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
