he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
