where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize