i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
