Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
