He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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