i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
