Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
