im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
