MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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