you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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