3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize