After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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