im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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