any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
