Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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