After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
