if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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