fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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