"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
