It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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