we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
