is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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