Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
