Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
