The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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