Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
