video games are the ultimate cock blocker
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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