i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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