At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
