your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
