So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize