Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My pussy is not your playground.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
