do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
