I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
