I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
