I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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