If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
