I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
