So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
