I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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