She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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