im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
