Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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