My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
