Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
PANTIES FOUND
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