I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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