loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
