I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
