Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
