He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
