I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
