Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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