i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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