he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
