There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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