she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
