He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
