i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
