What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
